We receive a lot of questions about homeschool and socializing. So, I thought it would be a good topic to discuss. I'm going to talk about homeschool and how it can be beneficial, how children learn to socialize, and how the two come together.
According to an article in Psychology Today, “research shows that homeschooled kids are generally as socially skilled as children taught in schools, highlighting the fact that, at least at younger ages, socialization is largely driven by parents and that most homeschooling families pursue extracurricular outlets that allow their children to spend time with other kids.” (Social Skills: Psychology Today, 2023) 1
Dr. Kyle Pruitt, MD, a clinical professor of child psychiatry at the Yale School of Medicine, explains why there is no validity to the concern of socialization among homeschooled students. In his article, The Last Word on Homeschooled Children and Their Social Skills: Why and How Our Worry About These Children Needs to End, Dr. Pruitt defines socialization as “children’s crucial ability to engage with and function effectively and productively in the world around them.” He later references research conducted by Patricia Lines in 2000 that revealed that after evaluating the social skills of children in mixed play groups, she found that the homeschooled children were well adjusted and demonstrated fewer behavioral problems than their traditionally schooled counterparts. (Lines, 2000) 2 (Pruitt, 2020) 3
Our First Relationships
In comparing the environment of the traditional classroom setting and that of the homeschooled student, Dr. Pruitt explained that “schooling can play a role, but not the powerful or always positive one so often assumed.” He reminded us that since socialization is about how we engage with the people around us, usually within some form of relationship or other, we first learn our social skills at home beginning in infancy. Our parents or guardians, then siblings, and then extended family members are the first with whom we interact. We observe their interactions with one another as well. By the time we reach school age, we take what we have learned and apply it within the new relationships formed outside of our households. Our relationships and interactions with others outside of the home are heavily influenced by the relationships we have with the people inside our homes. (Pruitt, 2020)
Classroom vs "Home Room"
In Dr. Pruitt’s comparison, he says, “Consider how chunks of alone, quiet time let the brain do its sorting and filing of new information without the torrent of stimulation that characterizes many classrooms, where children are never alone.” They are bombarded with constant stimuli with little reprieve to sort out information or emotions. One point he also makes is that classes in schools are segregated by age. This is necessary when attempting to teach groups that are at similar developmental stages. It also denies students the opportunity to engage with older and younger students. Homeschool children tend to be able to engage in a healthy way with children of different ages. The older mentor the younger and the younger imitate the positive behavior of the older students. These kinds of interactions offer opportunities to learn empathy, patience, compassion, and to build confidence. (Pruitt, 2020)
How To Socialize
Dr. Pruitt offers some tips on how to help your homeschooled student further develop their social skills. For example, free 4-H clubs allow children with similar interests and varying backgrounds to learn together. They provide an opportunity for the students to engage with students of diverse backgrounds. This helps students learn about the differences that exist between us all, whether culturally or socio-economically, which is important for learning compassion.
He also suggests home educators remain mindful of the fact that their students are always watching their interactions with others. How do you treat the checkout clerk? Are you respectful of the server at the restaurant? How well do you resolve conflict with a friend or family member? You are teaching your children your social skills, which they will mimic, since most lessons are learned through observation.
One thing my family does is we follow the same academic calendar as our local school district. This means my kids are off from school at the same time as their friends. Makes scheduling time for them to hang out with their friends easier. During the school day, we focus on academics with no distractions which allows for productive days. Then, after school or during a break, my kids have fun with the friends they’ve made at after school activities. They are involved in dance, indoor rock climbing, and martial arts, just like many of their peers.
Why Homeschool for Social Skills
One of the greatest benefits of homeschooling is that you are free to customize your child’s education program to meet their specific needs and interests while they get to work at the pace that is right for them. They continuously growing academically, and the same applies to their social skills. There are many different ways of making sure your children spend time learning about themselves and others through meaningful interactions. You are free to choose the activities in which your children are interested. This allows a greater chance of engaging with peers of the same interests. You may even get to know the friend’s family more easily than if your child’s friends were kids in their class.
So,...
So, no need to worry. It won’t be perfect because nothing is. But, for those of us who can take the opportunity to homeschool, our children will learn more than academics. They will learn about themselves, the world, and what they will be capable of doing in and for the world. They will grow academically, emotionally, mentally, and also socially.
Social Skills: Psychology Today. (2023). Retrieved August 4, 2023, from Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/child-development/social-skills#are-home-schooled-children-slow-to-develop-social-skills
Lines, P. (2000). Homeschooling Comes of Age. Public Interest, 140.
Pruitt, D. K. (2020, February 20). The Last Word on Homeschool Children and Their Social Skills. Retrieved from Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/once-upon-child/202002/the-last-word-homeschooled-children-and-their-social-skills ↩︎
Comments